On Trajectories and Inevitability
Notes on changes, forces of life and the universe
This Sunday morning I got woken up by a glaring ray of sunlight. I had fallen asleep on my couch again. I got up, put on my headphones and started playing a podcast episode that has been on my queued playlist.
Lately I have found escape through scientific discourse and learning about universal laws of physics and mathematics. There is something wildly humbling and grounding in immersing your mind into the grandeur of nature and order, and recently this seems to be the only activity that can truly put my mind and thoughts at rest.
Since the end of last year I’ve been struggling to navigate a series of changes happening across every aspect of my life.
During this period, my ego remained high functioning as it undermines the warnings of every fight-or-flight response. Before I was able to grieve the loss of family and home, and before I could come to terms with my new identities, all traces of stability, familiarity and control had long dilapidated. It feels like change is happening to my life as I continue to feel blocked from my inner voice and my subconscious. The thought of me accepting one of many inevitable outcomes of my future — regardless of my participation — is really terrifying.
The episode I listened to today was a fascinating conversation between Lex Fridman and Lee Cronin—chemist at University of Glasgow who invented a programming language that allows end-to-end automation of creating chemical molecules—on the origins of life, assembly theory and the complexity of life forms.
Towards the end of a 4-hour discussion that felt like anaesthetic in audio form (in the best way possible), Fridman wraps up the episode by asking the question:
“What do you think is the meaning to this all?”
Time largely appears to flow in a direction that continuously reveals combinations and structures with increasing complexity, yet also allowing the self-organisation and self-replication of outcomes.
And no matter how many times we restart this game on earth, all trajectories seem to eventually point towards the emergence of life.
(I also recently learned that some scientists believe the progression of biological life may be directional and driven by a set of ‘laws’, meaning evolution may be innately deterministic rather than convergent and ‘random’.)
“Many thoughts come to mind,” he said.
“But ultimately, I think the universe wants to keep exploring the possibilities of life.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about Cronin’s answer for the rest of the day.
When many life changes happen at once, ironically it immobilises you further as you feel obligated to make a move in every direction.
As I’m trying to regain a sense of agency and choice within the trajectories of my life, it brings me a strange sense of hope and comfort as I think of the inevitability of life itself.
The only quality I can’t lose is the curiosity to see where change will eventually take me. After all, it’s perhaps only logical—if not the best thing we can do as human beings—to not lose sight of our ability to explore life in midst of ongoing reinvention.
